I don't feel easy on my bones today. Prickly. Irritable. Disconnected. Fidgety.
I'm a problem solver. I trouble-shoot and then fix. Even if I don't successfully resolve the situation, my solace is in the act of trying.
I am always happier in the process. On the journey. Mid-point. I never hang around the start line for anything too long, I just like to get on. I'm never really fussed even about the goal. I always like the process, the doing, the work.
One of my favourite films when I was a teenager was Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and my favourite scene is the montage of when Robin Hood, Little John and all the people in the woods are building their village, making weapons and learning to fight. It always struck me as the happiest sequence of moments. People living, thriving, creating, learning.
The problem is right now everything I am in is temporary. My situation (living and other) is temporary and I can't start what I need to be doing to get to where I'm going. I'm waiting on other things.
Limbo land. I hate it here.
Everything in me starts to feel a little bit sharper and I have to make sure I am not seeking conflict just to give myself a project. Must breathe. Exist.
(Excuse the cryptic edge to this post... Whilst I would happily shine light of every nook and cranny of my life on here, I have to draw boundaries for other people's sake (ie. husband). I can't share all, but maybe sharing the mood rather than the situation makes it more relatable?)
Patience. Must become more comfortable with being patient. Right now some levels of inactivity are being forced on me but that should not mean I have to feel irritable with it. It's necessary stagnancy, chill out in it.
January activity continues... Walk walk walk...